A Big Sigh
4:14 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
Some days are just a big waste of makeup. Of course, you can't walk outside today without it all getting rained off. It's just pouring in true Seattle fashion. You can't live here and not get a few days like this. I wore my long 'commuter coat' today and got to work completely dry EXCEPT my feet and the bottom 6 inches of my pants, which were totally soggy. It was the wrong day to leave my vinyl rain boots in the closet. Last I looked out the window it was raining sideways. It's days like this we invite all the tourists in so nobody wants to move here.
In case anyone is wondering, we did lose the homecoming game to Bothell. Nobody really cared- the kids had fun anyway. Kitchen- still not started. No further progress made on the basement. My exact words to Dave yesterday: "Sometimes you make me so angry I want to hit you." That had to do with a basement clean-up that didn't happen and frustration about the basement and kitchen piling up, then the fact that he left the room while we were having a 'discussion' and didn't return for 2 hours. I found out today the reason he didn't return was more due to A.D.D. than avoidance, but still... He showed up at my work with flowers today. Some nice stargazer lilies. I can count on one hand the times that has happened in our 18 1/2 years of marriage.
I started blogging because it's a way to keep a journal of sorts. With the exception of Carol I don't think anyone reads it so it's basically secret, too. haha. The irony is, the more personal stuff I write, the more people would read it. I'll bet if I made up stories about a torrid affair I'd get thousands of hits to my blog.
Camille and I went to see Marie Antoinette Saturday night and I'm embarrassed to say that neither of us knew the story of her life. It didn't end with her be-heading (I found out later was how her story ended)- it just stopped when she and Louis August and the 2 kids left Versailles after the mobs chased them out. It was a strange movie. It didn't tell any one story line in depth except that their marriage wasn't consummated for more than a year after the wedding. I thought that was a strange thing to fixate on. Anyway, it was an okay movie but strangely written.
Soccer season for Chloe and Shane is almost over. I like to watch them play, but I'm always relieved when the season comes to an end. It's always cold and rainy at the last. Chloe's team party was Sunday afternoon but Shane still has 2 more weekends.
Next Tuesday marks the anniversary of my Dad's death. I'm obviously sad but I'm not sure what to do with the day. I don't know whether to celebrate his life, mourn his death or just go on. I don't really know what my Mom would have us do either. It hasn't really come up. I honestly can't believe it's been a whole year. A year ago I couldn't have believed I'd be able to live without him. Or that I'd be required to. We just had no idea he was going to die at that time. Not until the day he actually died. We were so stupid. All the signs were there but we refused to see them. Ignorance really is bliss. I don't know that it would've done us any good to know he was dying until it happened. It wouldn't've hurt any less. I'm sure of it. It was only a week ago my Mom cleared his clothes out of their closet—almost an entire year later. Healing is slow. I still find myself contemplating purchasing an item I think he'd like then quickly remembering he's not here. His chair is gone and his office rearranged to suit my mom. I don't think of him every day like I did right after he died. It's good because I'm not sad all the time, but I feel bad because he's not part of my daily life anymore. When I say my prayers I still find myself saying, "Please bless my Mom and Da.. please bless my Mom." That's a 39 year habit that'll be hard to break.
Enough of that. I'm sitting at my desk here at work crying. That's never a good thing. If you do that more than once you get a reputation as acrierr then nobody respects you. Hopefully nobody needs to talk to me until I can get some powder on my face...
In case anyone is wondering, we did lose the homecoming game to Bothell. Nobody really cared- the kids had fun anyway. Kitchen- still not started. No further progress made on the basement. My exact words to Dave yesterday: "Sometimes you make me so angry I want to hit you." That had to do with a basement clean-up that didn't happen and frustration about the basement and kitchen piling up, then the fact that he left the room while we were having a 'discussion' and didn't return for 2 hours. I found out today the reason he didn't return was more due to A.D.D. than avoidance, but still... He showed up at my work with flowers today. Some nice stargazer lilies. I can count on one hand the times that has happened in our 18 1/2 years of marriage.
I started blogging because it's a way to keep a journal of sorts. With the exception of Carol I don't think anyone reads it so it's basically secret, too. haha. The irony is, the more personal stuff I write, the more people would read it. I'll bet if I made up stories about a torrid affair I'd get thousands of hits to my blog.
Camille and I went to see Marie Antoinette Saturday night and I'm embarrassed to say that neither of us knew the story of her life. It didn't end with her be-heading (I found out later was how her story ended)- it just stopped when she and Louis August and the 2 kids left Versailles after the mobs chased them out. It was a strange movie. It didn't tell any one story line in depth except that their marriage wasn't consummated for more than a year after the wedding. I thought that was a strange thing to fixate on. Anyway, it was an okay movie but strangely written.
Soccer season for Chloe and Shane is almost over. I like to watch them play, but I'm always relieved when the season comes to an end. It's always cold and rainy at the last. Chloe's team party was Sunday afternoon but Shane still has 2 more weekends.
Next Tuesday marks the anniversary of my Dad's death. I'm obviously sad but I'm not sure what to do with the day. I don't know whether to celebrate his life, mourn his death or just go on. I don't really know what my Mom would have us do either. It hasn't really come up. I honestly can't believe it's been a whole year. A year ago I couldn't have believed I'd be able to live without him. Or that I'd be required to. We just had no idea he was going to die at that time. Not until the day he actually died. We were so stupid. All the signs were there but we refused to see them. Ignorance really is bliss. I don't know that it would've done us any good to know he was dying until it happened. It wouldn't've hurt any less. I'm sure of it. It was only a week ago my Mom cleared his clothes out of their closet—almost an entire year later. Healing is slow. I still find myself contemplating purchasing an item I think he'd like then quickly remembering he's not here. His chair is gone and his office rearranged to suit my mom. I don't think of him every day like I did right after he died. It's good because I'm not sad all the time, but I feel bad because he's not part of my daily life anymore. When I say my prayers I still find myself saying, "Please bless my Mom and Da.. please bless my Mom." That's a 39 year habit that'll be hard to break.
Enough of that. I'm sitting at my desk here at work crying. That's never a good thing. If you do that more than once you get a reputation as acrierr then nobody respects you. Hopefully nobody needs to talk to me until I can get some powder on my face...
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